Happy New Year

well, it won't necessarily be fun all year but at least the wish from 'Happy New Year' is happy, rite? I spent my new year's eve at work. the more crowded it was, the better, i thought. still i cried at 1, rite after countdown for no reasons. when i woke up on the first, all i can remember is the previous nite song:

Billie Jean is not my lover
She's just a girl who claims that I am the one
But the kid is not my son
She says I am the one, but the kid is not my son

so much is true, i cannot call anyone my lover
*now i realize why i cried*

hold on until it's over

..have you ever walked in daylight and caught in blindness to see anything...or being around the happiest crowd and all you wanna do is to take one...only one deep breath....?
...geez... i'm exhausted...to reach you out...

The Fear is in the Air

Have you ever noticed a matador who stubbornly tries to tame a wild bull? His eye is stern and almost cold. His pose is confident and dominant, cause once he is hesitated and soft, the bull smells fear and the man wont have a chance to walk away from the showground

This is not a new awareness. Since God-know-when, all books of body language have stated that what you show could kill you. I always know which eyes say ‘I don’t know the answer, please don’t ask me’ or those that say “What you asked is ridiculous, even a five-grader could answer that”.

But when you face what you fear, it is not easy to recall all those theories of behaviorism. As, these few dreadful days, when I have to face my living partner, a partner that I didn’t know I have till he munched my grocery bag. We haven’t introduced each other properly since he ran away, faster than I could think of. And I scream, louder than I could think of.

We live together for a week or two. Till I realize he smells my fear in the air. It doesn’t need a psychologist that explains Pavlov’s theory of stimulus –response here. He appeared, I screamed. He ran, I screamed. He appeared again, I screamed and ran. Then, he ruled my kitchen, and I defend myself in my bedroom. It would be easier if I showed him my confidence and rage since he first appeared. Cause now, it’s getting late to tell him that you ruled the house when you actually not. I kicked all those boxes out of the kitchen, I screamed several times, but I didn’t stop till he leave. At last, I can say I owned this place, and he is just silly little mouse.

Lesson for today:
Be brave and confident for who you are. Show that nothing would beat your courage when you are right.